Entry Nine: Its Hard To Be Good.

Society of modern day has the assumption that all teenagers are "bad". They are all disobedient, druggies, who will not pursue any plan for their future. However, I would like to put this assumption to sleep. Teenagers aren't all bad. Most of us have good intentions. I do. I try my hardest to be set apart from the stereotypical youth today. But sometimes all you do is cave in, in to the societal pressures of living as an American teenager.
Of course the overwhelming pressure to be "normal" in the eyes of both, your peers and your parents is present. It won't ever stop(as I have learned)
From the eyes of my peers, I'm supposed to "obey" the societal norms - have sex, get drunk, party, have a boyfriend, swear. The list could continue.
Since entering the public school system my freshman year, I have experienced many occasions of bullying because I wasn't a "normal teenager", because I cared about my grades, because I cared a great deal for the suffering world around me- not the outfit I was to wear the next day. I was automatically labeled the "goody-two-shoes" and the "homeschooled Christian" , fine with me. I apologize for wanting to save sex for marriage, I'm sorry I'm such a freak. I never cheated, never lied, never spoke vulgarly.
Each day, I catch a glimpse of how unbelievably hard it is to be "good" in this society, a society in which teenagers are ignorant, and expect everyone to conform to the social norms. Why is it that in order to fit in a girl has to get rid of her virginity, or a guy has to become wasted? I don't get it. Is " being cool" worth the consequences? I think not.
I can't wait for the day societal norms are destroyed.

Entry Eight: The Mask of Confidence

A mask hides away the flaws, the things you'd rather not share with others. A mask is simply used to cover.
On a daily basis, many of us are numb to the fact that the first thing we do when we wake up is cover our faces with a mask. I am not excluding myself.
I know quite well that when I rise in the morning I coat myself in several layers of masks- Happiness, Confidence, Peace, Contentment. These are the things many people encounter when the cross paths with me. One of these I wear more commonly than the others.

Confidence. I strive to be confident. I honestly do. But frankly, my confidence was shattered when I was no younger than the age of nine. Shattered by the burning words I was once called, words that blaze through my mind every single time I think about myself- to this day. It is hard to be confident when, "fatty", "whale", "ugly", "disgusting" , "fatso" , are imprinted across your reflection in the ever-so-despised mirror. I hated myself. I mean I did until just this last year. For eight years these words haunted my every ounce. Slowly I have grown to love myself. Yet, there are times in this life that I do believe those burning lies to be true, that I do cave in to the Enemy's persuasion to hate myself. Many days I hate looking into the mirror because that is when I must face the truth; the names, the lies, the hate is non existent. My reflection is one of beauty because I have learned to avoid focussing on my flaws and love my good points.
I do, still, adorn the mask of confidence.