Entry Fourteen: What If Then

What if someday down the road
When we meet again
When we're reminiscing
What if then,
You say to me
"Remember back in High school..."
And you reveal all of your secret feelings.
What if that happens.
What if someday you tell your kids
About the girl you had a crush on,
What if then,
When you think of me
Your heart starts to race
And all those feelings flood your body
And all you can do
Is hope
And wish
And know I felt the same way too
That back during those days
When we talked, teased, and joked
Around in class
Back then when you'd stare at my ass
When you wished I was yours
And I wished you were mine
We both would be thinking of the good old times
What if then you made your move and all that you had to do
Is say "I feel the same way too."

Entry Thirteen: Hurry It Up!

Hey Autumn, are you almost here?
Don't get me wrong I ADORE Summer. But I am head-over-heels in LOVE with Autumn.
The cool, crisp air that kisses your skin. The colors of the leaves that crunch when you step on them. The smell of fireplaces. The Apple Tasting Festival. The haunted Houses and Corn Mazes. Football games.The feeling of joy when you sip that hot coco. The happiness that floods your body after your team scores. Cheering at the top of your lungs after the game winning touchdown. Hoodies and cowgirl boots. Jeans, jackets, Uggs. The perfect temperature for oversized sweatshirts. The start of the school year. Halloween. Thanksgiving. Turkey. Jack-o-lanterns. Pumpkin patches and hay rides. Filling yourself with utter terror as you watch scary movies. Sweatpants. Warm fuzzy feelings.
Autumn.
No can you see why I want you to hurry?
My heart gets happy when I think of you Autumn.

Entry Twelve: His Masterpiece

There was a time in her life when she would look in the mirror and see nothing of beauty, a time when her love for life and herself did not exist. She was an average girl with an average face, average brown hair, and average brown eyes. To the world she was a no one, to herself she was useless, but to God she was beautiful.
God tried to convince her everyday, with no success. She wanted to be prettier, she wanted to be thinner. She was unaware of God's love for her. The world fed her lies with the help of the enemy. "You must be a size zero if you ever want anyone to love you." "Coat your face in makeup otherwise you resemble an animal." "All the cool girls wear this or that." She walked through the jungle of lies. She hated her reflection, the constant reminder that she wasn't perfect made her cringe every morning.
The contributions her family made to tell her she was "less than" discombobulated her self-esteem. At this point she fear every social interaction due to constant harassment. She wanted to be like everyone else, but to fit in was to be the flower growing through the snow- impossible. She fought everyday with the devil's lies.
Until she heard God whisper in her ear, "You, daughter, are my beautiful masterpiece, I made you in my image. I love you."
She responded, "But God, how am I a masterpiece? I resemble nothing of those girls on TV. I am a sinner because I hate myself. LORD! How could you love me! How am I beautiful?!"
God touched her face gently, raising her eyes to meet his. "Look at me daughter, you need not resemble women who steer so far from Me. Look, daughter, your heart is full of hate but I have forgiven you. Look, daughter, the words you are hearing are lies from the pit of hell. I made you, daughter, more beautiful than the sun, you are my proudest creation. Look, daughter, my love for you never ends and therefore you can live in love eternally. Daughter, YOU are MY masterpiece."

Entry Eleven: Prince Charming

Growing up, us girls relied on the idea of Prince Charming. We dwelled on his ability to make any princess (which we all know we believed ourselves to be) fall in love with him and live " happily ever after."

But as we reached the years of middle school and high school, we figured out most of us are destined to be Cinderella before the ball. Without our Prince Charming.
What unrealistic property does, so called, Prince Charming possess that is capable of making us swoon?
Who is he anyways?
In the storybooks, Mr. Prince Charming has a delightful appearance, shimmery blue eyes, sun kissed skin, and silky smooth hair. And a CASTLE, for crying out loud. As a six year old, to live in a castle was my life time goal.

Its quite apparent that the "typical Prince Charming" no longer exists. I'm not saying there aren't any nice guys anymore, that's not my point at all. I'm just saying our childhood dreams of having a prince have to catch up to the adult reality in which we live.

Although, we don't get a chance to be won over by Prince Charming, we get the greatest opportunity of them all-- the chance to be loved forever by the Prince of Peace: Jesus. And, let me tell you, he makes Prince Charming look like a dope.

Do understand what I just said?

Jesus will LOVE us FOREVER. He will LOVE YOU FOREVER.

Isn't that why we chase after Prince Charming, for love?

Not only will He love you, but he wants to protect you from everything, yes, even something bigger than a dragon. And Jesus wants us to live in his castle, he wants us in Heaven. Isn't it great to think a Prince wants YOU in his castle? In fact, he has a place saved up for you. A place special for you. A place with your name chiseled into gold. A place for you to live with him forever.
Here's another secret, he already knows who you are, no need to try and impress him, as long as you love him.
He's waiting for you with out stretched arms and a smile brighter than the sun. He wants to show how much you, his princess, mean to him. He loves you.

So, I say we should give up our chase after Prince Charming, let Cinderella have him. We should give up our search for never ending love because we know no one on this earth has as much love as Jesus. We should stop, call on Jesus, and allow him to run his river of everlasting love over us. So we, too can live with him happily ever after and spread it to others.

Prince Charming doesn't seem so magnificent now, does he?

Entry Ten: Summer Freedom

Woah! Hold up there time, could you slow down a bit!
Doesn't it seem as though, just yesterday, it was the first day of school? Getting reacquainted with your peers, the school building and the idea of being in that one building for seven hours a day, Where has the year gone!? Now we're standing on the opposite side of the school year, waiting to take ahold of our summer freedoms and run. Summer is literally just around the corner. It is so close I can taste it- it tastes like days at the beach with sunscreen, ice cream in the backyard, and swimming at the community pool. It tastes like freedom. Summer Freedom is the ability to sleep in, stay up late, swim, tan, and just enjoy time making new memories with your closest friends.
Summer freedom is on the other side of this glass window pane, I can see it, I can taste it but its still out of reach. Knocking on the window is useless. The only way this window will open is with the ringing of the school bell at 11:30, after your last final. Only then will we be able to run free, dancing, jumping with joy of the anticipation of summer. Only then will the chains of school that have bound us for nine months be unlocked. Only then will we taste summer and grasp our Summer Freedom!

So here's to a not bummer summer. Here's to Summer 2013!

Entry Nine: Its Hard To Be Good.

Society of modern day has the assumption that all teenagers are "bad". They are all disobedient, druggies, who will not pursue any plan for their future. However, I would like to put this assumption to sleep. Teenagers aren't all bad. Most of us have good intentions. I do. I try my hardest to be set apart from the stereotypical youth today. But sometimes all you do is cave in, in to the societal pressures of living as an American teenager.
Of course the overwhelming pressure to be "normal" in the eyes of both, your peers and your parents is present. It won't ever stop(as I have learned)
From the eyes of my peers, I'm supposed to "obey" the societal norms - have sex, get drunk, party, have a boyfriend, swear. The list could continue.
Since entering the public school system my freshman year, I have experienced many occasions of bullying because I wasn't a "normal teenager", because I cared about my grades, because I cared a great deal for the suffering world around me- not the outfit I was to wear the next day. I was automatically labeled the "goody-two-shoes" and the "homeschooled Christian" , fine with me. I apologize for wanting to save sex for marriage, I'm sorry I'm such a freak. I never cheated, never lied, never spoke vulgarly.
Each day, I catch a glimpse of how unbelievably hard it is to be "good" in this society, a society in which teenagers are ignorant, and expect everyone to conform to the social norms. Why is it that in order to fit in a girl has to get rid of her virginity, or a guy has to become wasted? I don't get it. Is " being cool" worth the consequences? I think not.
I can't wait for the day societal norms are destroyed.

Entry Eight: The Mask of Confidence

A mask hides away the flaws, the things you'd rather not share with others. A mask is simply used to cover.
On a daily basis, many of us are numb to the fact that the first thing we do when we wake up is cover our faces with a mask. I am not excluding myself.
I know quite well that when I rise in the morning I coat myself in several layers of masks- Happiness, Confidence, Peace, Contentment. These are the things many people encounter when the cross paths with me. One of these I wear more commonly than the others.

Confidence. I strive to be confident. I honestly do. But frankly, my confidence was shattered when I was no younger than the age of nine. Shattered by the burning words I was once called, words that blaze through my mind every single time I think about myself- to this day. It is hard to be confident when, "fatty", "whale", "ugly", "disgusting" , "fatso" , are imprinted across your reflection in the ever-so-despised mirror. I hated myself. I mean I did until just this last year. For eight years these words haunted my every ounce. Slowly I have grown to love myself. Yet, there are times in this life that I do believe those burning lies to be true, that I do cave in to the Enemy's persuasion to hate myself. Many days I hate looking into the mirror because that is when I must face the truth; the names, the lies, the hate is non existent. My reflection is one of beauty because I have learned to avoid focussing on my flaws and love my good points.
I do, still, adorn the mask of confidence.

Entry Seven: What is Love?

Love.
Many people, high school students, throw this word around like a baseball. Do they have the slightest idea of what LOVE actually means?
Or do they say it just to say it. Love is not knowing someone for two days.
"I love you." should be a scared phrase said amongst those who truly, deeply love one another.
Love is when you would do anything for that person, sacrifice time to show them, lay your own life down for them. That is love. A Marine coming home from war seeing his wife again, meeting his six month old daughter for the first time- he knows what love feels like.
Love looks past all of the blemishes in a persons soul and sees something spectacular.
Love is an adoptive mother meeting her child for the very first time after crossing the Atlantic ocean to a foreign country.
Love is the grandson grasping onto his grandaddy's hand has he says his last goodbyes.
Love is the tears shed when your best pal, your dog , dies unexpectedly.
Love is the answer to many questions.
Love is the sparkling tear in a father's eyes as he gives his princess away on her wedding day.
Love is the laughter between sisters as they talk about life.
Love is the hugs and kisses from a mother as she watches her baby, all grown up, drive away from home for the last time.
Love cares only about one's heart, not of outside appearance.

Love could change the world.

Entry Six: Prom?

Deep inside I want to be asked to prom next year, but I known I just won't be. Its hard to be a girl with morals and values in this society. Guys are asking girls who are "easy" to prom, just because they know for a fact that at the end of the night they can get inside their pants.
Its hard to be the one "respected too much to be asked to prom." Well you know what! Being respected, yeah that's nice, but just because I have morals and limits doesn't mean I don't want to be asked to prom. Its a rights of passage to girls in American society. And it is unfair. If you respect me, then don't get a hotel room, ask me to prom to dance not with the intentions of banging me afterwards. That should not be the focus of your night. You should respect yourself as well, don't make yourself think about being laid by some bomb chick. Respect yourself and the girl. Because it is unfair that the "better" people are treated like dirt. While the scum is treated like royalty.
And the generation before us wonders why our society is taking a huge dip down hill. Sex is treated like an object of recreation not an action of love.
Prom? Yes to go with you on a night of fun and dancing not to have sex with you in a hotel room for the meaning of recreation: not love.

Entry 5: Ordinary

This is a poem I wrote 2 years ago for my freshman English Class. I recently found it and reread it. 

Ordinary

On the outside I may seem strong

Never scared

Never hurt

But on the inside

I’m full of doubts

Worries

Fear

And

Hurt, from the way you treat others

On the surface I may seem happy

But deep within I am saddened

By the way you talk about me

The words you use

And how you describe my family

On the outside I am confident

But underneath I am scared

Scared of the unknown

Scared of messing up

Scared of looking like a fool

Scared of never being excepted

Excepted by you

By this world

Some times I feel like I am

On the other side of a window

Looking in

But never receiving

On the surface I may look like you

With my hair straightened

And make up done

With my en-expensive wardrobe

And my fairly white teeth

Brown hair, brown eyes

But within I’m nowhere near like you

I care about my body

And what I do with it

I use my words for build-ups

Not knock-you-downs

On the surface I may seem ordinary

Plain

Dull

Nothing new

But that’s all that you see.

That’s not me.

Underneath; as I peel off the layers

Like coming in from the cold

I begin to show you who I am

Make it clear to you

That I am not

Nor will I ever be

ORDINARY!

For I am ME

Entry Four: Respect, Love, Kindness

The realization that you have been lost in your own life for so long, is a hard one to face.
Why is it that we seem to forget about the most important thing in our lives- the people who love and care about us? It is a sad reality that thousands of people don't receive the love and appreciation they deserve.

Today, I faced this reality. I have forgotten whats most important to me. The hussle and bussle of life- school, sports, the musical- has fogged my vision. I have forgotten why I wake up every day. I have forgotten what my purpose is.

I have been Lost. Lost in my own life. I have been buried beneath the stresses and pressures a highschooler faces daily. I have realized now, that I have been so buried deep, not even a search and rescue team of human proportion could save me. And, quite obviously, I can't save myself. But, today, I have been found, not by an animal, or a person, but by my Heavenly Father. I now remember the purpose I am to serve, and that is one of LOVING people no matter what.

My goals in life are to:
Respect people of every race, gender, age.
Spread Kindness wherever I go.
and most importantly
LOVE without discriminating.

The world in which we live would not be able to function smoothly until EACH AND EVERY member of society decides within themselves to make a difference, big or small.

All I'm asking you to do, is SMILE at someone as you pass by them, hold the door open for them, or ask them how their day has been.
These small acts of kindness will push society to be able to prosper.

So, can YOU smile today?

Entry Three: Attack of the Friendzone

A lot of us understand what its like to be friend zoned. It sucks. The person you are close to is too blind to see that you obviously like like them. You want to tell them how you feel, but don't want to risk the friendship you have created with this person.
I know this feeling all to well.

Freshman year I had met this guy, he was attractive, nice, and funny. Over the first semester we became pretty close, texting often, walking to our four classes together, and sitting by each other due to where our last names were in the alphabet. I realized that through our little jokes, late night texting conversations, and smiles as we saw each other in hall, that I really, actually had my first real crush. My first legit crush on a guy I referred to as my "best guy friend". Now, how was I to process this. Do I tell him? Obviously not. Our friendship isn't worth the risk. Anyways he probably only saw me as the dorky friend. But, what if he liked me back?

I decided I was going to keep my little crush to myself, probably one of the things I regret about freshman year.
I told myself I'd get over it and that he didn't like me, despite our classmates telling us we were like an old married couple. "Couple" yeah that's a nice word , too bad we weren't.

Sophomore year came rolling in. We had one class together. How unfair. Still, I kept my secret crush a secret. I let him copy the work off of me, how could I not he was still my best guy friend.

We only have one more year together, as this is our Junior year. I have been DYING to tell him. But yet the risk still lingers, like the body odor of a preteen boy. The topic always comes up, "who do you like?", he'll ask. My heart skips and my brain somersaults. "Y-O-U!" But the letters only rattle around in my head, what I wish I would have said. Instead I bring up some other guy as an attempt to render him jealous. And he, like likes some other girl. It stings hearing him talk about her. It shatters every last piece of my heart to see them together. Yet, he's my friend and I want what's best for him. She is not it.

My regret is still remaining as I clinch onto my little secret. I should have told him 2 years ago. But its too late now.

Entry Two: Innocent or Guilty

Judge.
This simple word possesses several meanings, from the individual who decides if a person is innocent or guilty, to the way we look at and compare others. There isn't a person on the face of this Earth who can say, "I have never judged someone." It is simply impossible. And utterly sad.
Everyday, as we walk through the school hallways, we judge. The girl wearing skin-tight clothing, we think of her as a slut. The boy with ratted hair and his pants nearly on the ground, well, he's a druggy. The Asian kid, he's a nerd. The black guy, he's probably a thug. The guy with style, he must certainly be gay. The girl who was homeschooled, she must be a super-religious virgin.
These are all aspects of our society that we judge others on, the way they dress, talk, act, look. In my opinion, it is unnecessary and unacceptable. Haven't we all been brought up to treat others the way we'd like to be treated? Then why, why on EARTH do we think it is okay to make fun of or put down others? Why do we even think its remotely acceptable to judge them?
It's Not.
Can we each take a look in the mirror for a change? Let's realize that the same reasons we judged that kid in our science class is because we believe it makes us feel better about ourselves. Instead, let's look at ourselves, and find the beauty we are, the beauty we contain deeper than the skin, and clothes and look and words.
And so what if someone does believe differently than you do, its NOT your place to JUDGE them. It is not your duty. In the end, God is the one who will judge you. He is the ultimate judge of every life. He calls the shots.
Let us ask ourselves again, are we Innocent or Guilty of the crime of judging.

Entry One: Hit The Pitch

Life throws many curve balls at us. For example, new friends, new experiences, new places. But we all must find a way to cope, to hit the pitch. The hit may be a line drive down the center of the field or maybe a pop up to third base, but where ever the ball goes we all learn from it. We learn whether only to run to first or take it all the way home. We learn to see the ball to the barrel and not drop our shoulder. Many things in life reflect this. In school there are many things that can bog us down, down so low we feel as though we are crushed beneath an elephant. Our only job, our only way to overcome this elephant, is to work through it. Yes, it is the most difficult task we have but the only way to be out of the shadow of the elephant is to see the positive and strive to be the very best Y-O-U you can be.

My life has been far from the ordinary, yet seemingly normal. I have grown up in a good family full of never-ending love. My friends have always been there for me, I accomplish good grades in school, I participate in extra-curricular activities, but I'm not here to brag on my accomplishments, I'm here to let you in on my secrets, my life. I'm here, if you need someone to talk to. I'm here to spit out advice if asked. I'm here for you.

So here's to Entry One on my little blog that, most likely, will only be seen by myself.